


Like I'm Gonna Lose You

by TheAuthor44



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24747334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAuthor44/pseuds/TheAuthor44
Summary: When an unexpected illness puts Zoey and Max to the test, they have nothing but their love to see them through.
Relationships: Zoey Clarke & Max Richman, Zoey Clarke/Max Richman
Comments: 91
Kudos: 51





	1. I Saw The Signs

**Author's Note:**

> This one is gonna be angsty ... so bear with me. 
> 
> Though the idea was all my own, AubreyRichman is the best medical beta a girl could ask for.

**_June 15_ ** **_th_ ** **_2023_ **

“Max, I’m home.” Zoey called out, closing the door with her foot as her hands were currently occupied by work stuff and takeout. Max appeared from the living room, giving Zoey a quick peck before relieving her of the takeout bag.

“And you brought dinner. You know this is exactly the level of domesticity I expected when we started living together.” Zoey scrunched up her nose at his joke before dropping all her stuff on the kitchen table.

“Been home long?”

“No. My class had their project presentations today and then I stayed talking to that kid, Rashad, I was telling you about.” Max poured a glass of wine, handing it to her like second nature.

“The one with the family stuff?” She replied, taking the glass as he poured one for himself.

“Yeah, he’s just been taking the divorce so hard. But today, I think we made a breakthrough.”

“He finished his project on time?”

“Well … no. That’s why I had him stay after class. Turns out he was just a little starved for inspiration, so we brainstormed a little bit and he’s gonna take the week to finish it. He seemed pretty excited.”

“That’s great, babe. I’m so proud of my little teacher of the year.” Zoey said as she started unpacking the food.

“It was just a nomination; I haven’t won yet. So, how was your day?” Max said, taking his food over to the living room. Zoey walked to join him, taking a long sip of her wine before answering. “That good, huh?” Max joked, moving his food around with his fork.

“Remind me why, when Joan suggested I take over her old position instead of continuing the revolving door of new people, I thought it was a good idea?”

“Because you were a great manager and they need someone with your beautiful brain at the helm of that pirate ship.”

“Tobin did actually come to me last week with a pitch for legal pirating for the Chirp Pro.” Zoey scarfed down her food like her life depended on it. She was almost halfway through her food when she noticed that Max had barely touched his. “You’re not hungry, again? I got your favorite.”

“I’ve just been a little nauseous since I got home.”

“Yeah, on and off the past few weeks. You sure you’re not pregnant?” Max laughed in response, bending over to put his container on the coffee table when he suddenly pulled back wincing, his hand flying to his stomach.

“Are you okay?” Zoey asked, getting a little more concerned.

“I guess this is a good life lesson, don’t engage your core while laughing.”

“You sure?”

“Jewish people are known for having many digestive problems. I’ve had them on and off my whole life. You just take a couple of tums and go about your day. I’m fine, see?” Max slowly reached for his food, taking a couple of bites.

“Okay.” Zoey replied, momentarily appeased.

A week later, the incident seemingly forgotten, Zoey was sitting in bed finishing some work.

“I thought we had a rule. You can only have work in the bed as long as you leave some room for me too.” Max said, coming out of the bathroom gesturing to all the paperwork scattered on the mattress.

“There is always room for you.” Zoey said playfully, throwing the majority of the paperwork to the floor before crawling over towards Max’s side of the bed.

“You don’t need to keep those in a specific order.”

“Don’t ruin the moment.” Zoey said, grabbing him by the front of his t-shirt and pulling him in for a kiss. Max returned the kiss with fervor, leaning forward so that she fell onto her back. Her head landing on her tablet, breaking through the haze of the moment. Max reached for it, pulling it out from behind her head. “Be careful with that one.” Zoey instructed.

Max took the device and placed it gently on the night table by his side of the bed, before reaching down and pulling his shirt off. Zoey’s face instantly changed from turned on to confused, when she saw more of Max’s ribs than she remembered being visible.

“What?” Max asked.

“Are you – did you lose weight?” Zoey replied, getting back on her knees for a closer inspection. Max had always been trim, but this was something different.

“Huh, I guess. I didn’t really notice.”

“I mean, it would make sense. You barely eat anything.” Zoey reached out her hands, feeling around for some sign that this was a trick her eyes were playing. But the feeling of his rib bones under his skin couldn’t be denied.

“I’ve also been working out more. The gym at the high school has some insane machines…” Max winced as her hands worked their way down his stomach, touching the same sore spot that had been a problem a week prior.

“Are you sure you're fine?”

“I feel totally normal. It’s probably nothing. Come on, I can think of a better use for your hands.” Max said, placing his hands around hers, bringing them to his chest.

Before Zoey could reply, Max kissed her again. She tried not to get lost in the moment, but he wasn’t making it very easy on her. Shifting her worry to the back of her mind, Zoey reminded herself that Max wasn’t one to make light of a serious situation. That was her job. If he said he was okay, then he was okay … but that didn’t mean Zoey wouldn’t keep an eye on him in the meantime. 


	2. Testing My Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you have aubreyrichman to thank for the medical stuff being so medicaly
> 
> Enjoy!

**_June 29_ ** **_th_ ** **_, 2023_ **

Over the next few weeks, though Max tried his best to hide it, Zoey knew he wasn’t feeling any better. He barely ate anything except for a cup of black coffee and a bagel in the morning, and he was still getting those pains in his abdomen though he would always downplay them. Every day, Zoey would insist he should go see a doctor and Max would insist he didn’t need to; she was starting to feel stuck in a never-ending loop. The loop broke however, when Max came home from work with a small cut on his chin.

“What happened?” Zoey said, taking his chin in her hand as soon as he came home.

“I may have passed out during my last class … and hit my chin on the edge of a desk.”

“You wanna tell me again how you don’t need to go see a doctor.” Zoey said, standing with her hands on her hips.

“I picked up something over the counter to help with the nausea on my way home. This is just because I wasn’t eating.” Max said, but the concern on Zoey’s face wasn’t going away anytime soon. “I’ll admit, I should have gotten something for it sooner, if you still want a good reason to yell at me.” Max replied, pulling Zoey in his arms.

“I’m sure I’d find something else soon enough. I’m only saying something because I love you and I want you to take care of yourself.” Zoey said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Well you do a great job of that. I’m okay.”

“Will you promise me to go see a doctor if it gets any worse.”

“Cross my heart.” Max said, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Little did they know, something worse would be happening later that night. 

Zoey woke up when she felt something wet under her hand. She opened her eyes to find Max hunched over, writhing and shaking his back completely drenched in sweat. She immediately got up and tried turning him to face her.

“Max! Max look at me.” Zoey placed her hand on his forehead, his skin burning like fire.

“I didn’t wanna wake you.” He said in between shallow breaths.

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. I’m calling an ambulance.” Zoey walked to the light switch, turning it on only to find that Max's sweat had soaked through the bed sheets.

“No.” Max said, forcing himself to sit up.

“You need to go to the hospital or something. This isn’t normal.”

“Okay but just … no ambulances, okay. I can make it to the car. Please?” Zoey nodded in agreement as she rushed to get dressed.

They got to the ER in record time. Zoey sat Max down in a chair before marching over to the desk.

“Hi, my boyfriend has a fever and he’s sweating a lot. He hasn’t been eating because of nausea and stomach pain and…”

“Okay, honey. Just give me his name and we’ll get him into an examination room. Here, fill this out.” The nurse said, handing Zoey a clipboard of basic paperwork.

“Thank you.”

Within the next few minutes, Max was taken to a bed and hooked up to IV fluids and something for the fever as they waited. Eventually, a friendly looking doctor came in.

“Mr. Richman, if you’re still feeling some abdominal discomfort, we can give you some medication to help with that.”

“Yes, please. Thank you.” Max said almost immediately after she asked. Zoey was surprised by the speed of his answer, wondering if he had been in more pain than he let on. And then wondered if it made her a bad girlfriend for not seeing it. As the doctor examined him, Zoey stood back and just watched, finally having a moment to catch her breath. She was feeling a range of emotions, and looked forward to the day when this would all be a fond ‘I Told You So’ story to tell all their friends.

“I’m going to do an MRI to rule out appendicitis. Someone will be by to take you up in a minute.”

“Thank you …”

“Dr. Amanda Lalilro.”

“Thank you Dr. Lalilro. He really had me worried there for a second.”

“He’s in good hands. I’ll be back with the results as soon as possible.” Dr. Amanda said with a smile before exiting the room.

“She’s very nice for someone working the graveyard shift.” Max said.

“Yeah. And it looks like you get to meet an old friend of mine.” Max gave her a confused look before she explained. “This is the hospital where I got the MRI that gave me my powers.”

“Not that I want to be laying in a hospital bed right now, but if I got powers too, it would be so worth it.”

“Nothing is worth scaring me to death like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Max said, taking her hand in his. Feeling that the temperature of his skin had returned to normal helped her relax. She took his hand, putting her cheek in his palm and giving it a kiss.

“All that matters ... is that I was right.” Zoey joked. Max chuckled as the orderly came to take him to the MRI.

Zoey waited what felt like the longest 45-minutes of her life in an uncomfortable hospital chair, staring at the empty space where Max had just been. Thankfully, the doctor didn’t seem to think it was that serious. Zoey didn’t know what she would have done if it was. Losing her father three years ago had taken its toll on her. The only way she got through was having Max there, and there was no equivalent if something happened to him. She immediately dismissed those thoughts. No use spiraling down that road, Max was still here and just fine. Or at least he was going to be.

“So? Any new abilities I should be aware of?” Zoey asked after he returned to the room.

“No, stupid unpredictable earthquakes. It’s okay, I’ll get them next time.”

“Hey, next time better be many, many, many years from now.” Zoey said, leaning forward to give him a kiss. Their moment was cut short by Dr. Lalilro coming into the room.

“Don’t mind me lovebirds. Mr. Richman your scans came back negative for appendicitis, but we recommend you to follow up with your primary care doctor in two days. Just because it’s not appendicitis doesn’t mean that it’s nothing to look into further.”

“Thanks, doc.”

So two days later, Max and Zoey were sitting in the doctor’s office waiting room.

“You didn’t have to come with me Zo.”

“I know. I just wanted to make sure you actually followed through.”

“I think a night in the ER was enough to convince me. I  _ really _ did just think it was indigestion.”

“Just like I  _ really  _ thought I didn’t have any romantic feelings for you, and we both know how that turned out.”

“Well that one had a happy ending.” Max said, nervously wiggling his fingers like he was playing the piano on his pant leg. Zoey reached over and calmed his movements with a gentle squeeze.

“This will too.” She replied. Soon Max’s name was called, and he went in to see the doctor. He came out what seemed like no time later with a prescription slip in his hand.

“What did he say?” Zoey asked.

“He’s putting me on something prescription strength to help with the nausea. And he drew some blood, the results will be back in a few days.”

“So, what? We just have to wait?”

“Yup.” Max replied.

“Well … that should be fun.” Zoey said, turning to leave.

A couple days later, Max’s doctor still hadn’t called about the results. While Max was happy to just go on like usual while waiting for the results, Zoey found that to be more of a challenge. She had promised Max that she wouldn’t step foot into the virtual hell that was WebMD. But Zoey figured whatever she googled behind his back wouldn’t hurt, especially if it gave her any peace of mind. It didn’t.

“Whipple disease? What even is that? Gastritis? Doubtful. Oh god …  _ cancer _ ?” The tears had just started pooling in Zoey’s eyes as she read that word on her screen when Max came in the door. She immediately slammed the laptop closed and wiped her eyes.

“You’ve been googling, haven’t you?” Max said, placing the grocery bags on the kitchen counter.

“I don’t do well with just sitting and waiting. I need to have all the information, so I’ll be prepared for any and all possible scenarios.” Zoey said going to help him put things away. They stayed quiet for a moment as Max handed Zoey things to be put in the fridge.

“It’s not going to be like your dad. I’m not going anywhere.” Max said softly, looking at her so lovingly it made her heart hurt.

“I know.” She replied, leaning her head on his shoulder before placing the next item in the fridge.

The doctor called the next day and asked Max to come in person to receive his results. He asked Zoey to come with him so she could hear all the information firsthand.

“Please, sit down.” The doctor said, gesturing to the two chairs that sat across from his desk. Zoey felt a shift in the air and waited for the heart-song that usually followed. When none came, it sent a chill down her spine. “Max, your bloodwork came back abnormal. Your red blood cells are lower than I’d like them to be and there are some metabolic changes as well. The metabolic changes are what concern me most. Your LDH and CRP are both very high.”

“Well, what does that all mean?” Max asked, looking to Zoey who had the same question.

“You’ll need to see a specialist.” 


	3. The Doctor will 'C' You Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The deeper I dive in this fic, the happier I am to have AubreyRichman as my beta <3 
> 
> Enjoy!

“A specialist?” Max asked. 

“A hematologist to be exact. They deal with more specific blood disorders and that’s what you need moving forward based on the abnormalities in your bloodwork. I can give you a recommendation and you call the office to set up an appointment.”

Zoey watched as Max nodded wordlessly. He stayed silent the whole ride home, which told Zoey that he was processing. She respected that, after all she needed some time to digest the news as well. When they got home, Max mumbled something about grading and disappeared into the bedroom. Zoey knew that he needed some more time, so she sat herself down in the living room. She was feeling fine, until her gaze came across a picture on the piano. It was of her and Max, back in the early days of their relationship.

* * *

**_September, 2020_ **

_ “How did I get so lucky?” Max said leaning back on the picnic blanket. Zoey was right next to him, suddenly feeling the need to get very cozy. _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “Beautiful girl. Beautiful day. Beautiful charcuterie picnic basket. I feel like the luckiest man alive.” _

_ “How corny would it be if I said I feel really lucky too?” _

_ “Oh, super corny … but say it anyway.” Max replied, with the goofiest grin on his face. _

_ “I’m serious, Max. You have been so patient and I feel like sometimes I don’t deserve you being so good to me.” _

_ “It’s what you do for the people you love. Besides, I know if push came to shove, there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me.” Zoey kissed him in response. _

* * *

Remembering that day helped Zoey know what to do next. She was going to be by Max’s side through all of this. She was going to be the one supporting him and loving him the same way he has always done for her. If that meant tackling every fear she had that history could repeat itself, then that’s what she was going to do. Max was worth it.

About an hour later, Zoey walked in the bedroom and found him sitting on his laptop, playdoh in hand, grading. She crawled on the bed to join him, sitting right against his side. She watched his fingers typing away, until they came to a sudden pause.

“If you wanted to ask me how I’m doing right now, I wouldn’t know what to tell you.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing I didn’t come in here to ask how you’re doing.” Zoey replied. Max turned to look at her, trying to hide the look of surprise that graced his face. “I came in to tell you I love you, and that no matter what happens with the doctor, or the specialist, or anything after – I am here for you 100%. It’s about time I repaid you for all the times you’ve been there for me.”

“This. This is more than enough.” Max said, leaning against her in the more literal sense. Zoey felt him let out a deep sigh and she was happy to hear that release.

* * *

**_July 16_ ** **_th_ ** **_, 2023_ **

Though another doctor’s office was the last place they wanted to be, Zoey was glad to finally get some actual answers from the hematologist. As she was one of the best in the city, waiting for an appointment was to be expected. Zoey was there for Max, through every anxious minute of it. Once the doctor came and sat down with them, she explained that the MRI from the ER showed that he had swollen lymph nodes in his abdomen. 

“This could be caused by several things. It could be caused by an infection. I want to have them get a lymph node needle biopsy, today if possible. Tomorrow, I should have preliminary results that would tell us if we should proceed with further testing.” 

Max and Zoey sat there, in shock. Eventually, he nodded slowly and the doctor proceeded to talk to her team about setting it up. 

As they waited, the doctor continued to explain the rest of the testing that would take place over the next week: a PET Scan, a bone marrow biopsy, and a lumbar puncture. Zoey thought she saw Max visibly gulp at the mention of that last one.

“Will I be able to be there at all, for moral support?” Zoey asked, taking Max’s hand.

“Well, I wouldn’t recommend it for the PET scan or the biopsy. If you wanted to be there for the bone marrow biopsy, you would need to be gowned and gloved. The lumbar puncture would be the best choice. That’s always a good time to have someone there to hold your hand.” The doctor replied.

“Zoey, you don’t have to…” Max started to say.

“Yes, I do.” She said smiling, turning her attention back to the doctor.

After leaving the doctor, Max went to the procedure room and had the lymph node biopsy before they went home. The call they received the next day told them to proceed with the rest of the testing. 

Zoey had opted out of being with Max during the bone marrow biopsy, she didn’t want to jeopardize contaminating the space and risking infection. Max had joked that there are some parts of your partner you just shouldn’t see – their bone marrow being on the list. But when it was time for Max’s lumbar puncture, Zoey was ready to go. The doctor had Max lay on his side, facing Zoey, in nothing but a paper gown.

“How you doing babe?” she asked.

“Honestly, not that thrilled about a needle being jabbed into my spine. Other than that, I’m great.”

“I’m actually jealous. The doctor has the better view.” Zoey said, giving him a wink.

“Okay, I’m ready. You ready Max?” The doctor said, holding the needle up so Zoey could see it. She tried not to let her face give it away, but that thing was scary.

“No, not really. But, go ahead and do it anyway.” He replied. Zoey took his hand in hers, and as the doctor began inserting the needle, Max’s grip increased exponentially. That made sense, since he wasn’t the biggest fan of needles.

“How’s it going back there?” Max asked, his voice faltering.

Zoey knew he was putting on a brave face for her, but it was her job to take care of him now. She ran her hand through his hair, but that made her feel like she was petting a scared cat more than comforting her boyfriend.

“Anything I can do to help?” she asked Max quietly.

“A distraction would be nice.” Max said trying not to wince … and failing. Zoey’s heart broke to see him like this, even if it was necessary. She racked her brain trying to think of what to do, and only one thing came to mind in the moment.

“ _ No I won’t hesitate _

_ No more, no more. _

_ This is our fate, I’m sure. _

_ There’s no need to complicate, _

_ Our time is short. _

_ This is our fate, _

_ I’m yours. _ ”

As Zoey started to sing, Max tilted his head up to look at her. At least he was smiling now.

“That was a good day, until it wasn’t.” Max said. “I’m surprised you know the words.”

“They were hard to forget. Do you ever wonder how different things would have been if I had just accepted my fate sooner?” Zoey joked, resuming her petting with a sincere smile.

“You wouldn’t be you if you had.” Max said, his discomfort seemingly forgotten. Mission accomplished.

“Okay Max, we’re all done here.” The doctor said, standing up and removing her gloves. “Now, just lay like that for another half hour or so and then you can head home.”

“Thank you.” Max called out, not moving a muscle.

“How does it feel?” Zoey asked a moment later.

“Weird. What does my pamphlet say?”

Zoey reached into her pocket, and pulled out the pamphlet the doctor gave them on all Max’s procedures and at home care.

“It says that you should rest, laying on your back the next couple of days. Here’s a fun list of possible side effects to look forward to though. Headaches…”

“Check.” Max said, rubbing his temple.

“… nausea…”

“Been there done that.”

“… numbness in your lower extremities…”

“Are you reading that right?”

“… and trouble with urination.”

“I’ll spare you from knowing about that one.”

They sat in silence for a while, just smiling at each other. For a moment, they forgot about why Max was laying there in the first place. Zoey knew that probably wouldn’t happen again once they got the results, so she decided to savor the moment.

“You know, there’s nothing in this pamphlet that says I can’t join you down there.” Zoey said. She handed Max the pamphlet before slowly sliding herself on the edge of the bed in front of him. Max instinctively laid his hand on her hip and Zoey wondered how she ever slept any other way than this. They went silent again, both with the same thought running through their minds. Zoey could feel Max’s eyes burning holes in the back of her head. She was just lucky he couldn’t see hers, filled with terror at the thought there might be a day when she wouldn’t have Max’s arms to lay in. But, in order to be Max’s rock, she immediately shoved that thought into the back of her mind.

“Thanks for being here. I’m secure enough to acknowledge that I was very scared of the very big needle being shoved into my spine.” Max said, leaning his forehead against her hair. 

“You hid it very well.” Zoey replied, settling herself in to enjoy their last moments of blissful ignorance.

A few days later, Zoey and Max made their way back to the hematologist’s office. A lot more was riding on this visit than the last. Their hands were linked the whole time, and Zoey made sure that every time Max looked at her she had nothing but optimism oozing from her pores.

The doctor came in the room just as she had the first time, except this time she closed the door behind her. Zoey felt like time was moving slower than usual, and the woman sure took her sweet time pulling up Max’s file.

“So, the results of your tests showed that you have stage two Diffuse Large B-Cell lymphoma or DLBCL, which is cancer of the lymph nodes. It is a fast growing and aggressive cancer, but it is also very easy to treat with a survival rate of 66%.”

“I’m sorry, I’m still processing. You’re saying, I have cancer.” Max asked, speaking very calmly for someone obviously in shock.

“Yes, but as I said, this type usually responds very well to treatment. We have some options we can talk through today. Obviously, getting treatment sooner than later is preferable. Given the nature of DLBCL, I recommend chemotherapy and depending on how you respond to the chemo, radiation may be needed later. You could do radiation alone, but chemotherapy has been shown to be more effective against this type of lymphoma. No matter the course of treatment you decide, there are still some other variables to consider. ”

“Like what?” Zoey asked, giving Max a reprieve from having to actively engage.

“Well, both chemotherapy and radiation treatments can be hazardous to your reproductive organs. You might consider freezing some of your sperm if you want to have children in the future.”

“We hadn’t really talked about that yet. I mean sure we’ve been together for three years, best friends for almost ten - you think it would have come up...” Zoey was cut off from rambling by the doctor.

“You don’t have to do anything right this minute. Like I said, I can give you all the information you need to make this decision. Recovery is possible, Max, I’ve seen it happen. But ultimately, that is up to you as much as it is your illness.” The doctor continued talking about treatment options and frozen sperm, but Zoey was too lost in her thoughts to hear her. For once in her life, Zoey didn’t believe that having all the information was going to help her with this one.

Max was eerily normal the rest of the day. He was fine as they sat eating dinner that night, with Max actually eating for the first time in weeks. He was fine while watching a movie with a glass of wine. And he was fine as they brushed their teeth, getting ready for bed. He hadn’t said a word about his diagnosis since they left the doctor, and Zoey was worried that he was in some kind of denial. She didn’t want to push, but they had some decisions to make. As she lay her head down, Zoey thought about how she should approach talking to him about it.

“I think I should take a sabbatical from work while I do treatment.” Max said, right as he was about to get into bed.

“Okay.” Zoey replied, sitting up to look at him.

“Chemo sounded like the best option. And just in case, I want to freeze some of my sperm.”

“Okay.” Zoey said softly. After he finished, Max sat down on the bed and leaned against his pillow. Zoey reached over and lovingly rubbed his shoulder with her hand.

“Thank you for not pushing me and giving me time to think.”

“Hey, I told you, I am here to support you. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do.” Zoey replied, moving her hand down to hold his.

“I really want to keep a positive attitude through all of this. I know that won’t be easy, but the doctor was right. Recovery is up to me and that starts with my attitude.”

“Mine too.” Zoey said, earning her a look from Max. “Just you wait, I’ll be so positive I’ll make protons jealous.”

Max smiled at her, pulling her into his side. They could do this. They  _ had _ to do this .


	4. Sick Cycle Carousel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many cameos - you know who you are!
> 
> A little lighter than what has already and what has yet to come. So enjoy it while it lasts. 
> 
> A few notes:   
> \- Don't be confused by the dates - Max is teaching summer school ... and no that is not a plot hole that I JUST discovered ... okay yes it is LMAO  
> \- yes they are together (you'll see it when you read it)

_**July 20th 2023** _

On Max’s last day before starting his sabbatical, his students insisted on giving him a send-off party. Zoey was invited of course, and watched proudly as a room full of teenagers fawned over their favorite teacher; and it warmed her heart. Max hadn’t been a teacher long, but he was obviously made for it. As she walked back over to join them with her second piece of cake, Zoey wished the smile that was on Max’s face could stay there forever.

“Do you get any say on your replacement?” One of the students asked.

“Unfortunately, no. That decision remains up to Principal Dexter, but I should warn you guys ... it’s looking like it’ll be Mr. Morris.” Max replied, earning him a groan of disgust from his students.

“Ew, not Moist Morris.”

“Why is he called that?” Zoey asked, as she took a bite of her cake.

“Because he sops up his fingers with spit before giving out worksheets. So, when you get them…” Max explained.

“… they’re moist.” Zoey said, letting the piece of cake in her mouth drop back into the plate before throwing it in the garbage.

“Why are you leaving us anyway, Mr. Richman?”

“Yeah, what are your big plans for your sabbatical? Travel? Write a book?”

“Go back to a more lucrative career as a coder.”

As his students laughed, Max and Zoey shared a knowing look. They talked about the possibility of the question being raised, and Max had been adamant about how his students deserved the truth.

“Okay, guys. Gather around.” Max said, standing up from the edge of his desk. Every eye was on him as he cleared his throat. “Recently, very recently actually, I was diagnosed with a form of cancer. I start my chemo treatment tomorrow and I wasn’t going to tell you guys because I didn’t want anyone to worry. But I’m really positive that I can beat this. And this party … means the  _ world _ to me. It's that kind of support that’s going to get me through this.” Max’s speech was then interrupted by one young man exiting the classroom in a very aggressive manner.

“Rashad?” Max called out. He started to follow, but Zoey stopped him.

“No, it’s your party, you should stay. Would you mind if I...?” Zoey said, gesturing towards the door.

“Um, sure. Try stairwell D, that’s usually where all the students go to work out their deep emotional stuff... and smoke pot. Either one would apply here.”

Sure enough, when Zoey opened the door to staircase D, she found Rashad sitting on the top step.

“Mind if I join you?” His lack of an answer was enough confirmation for Zoey. They sat in silence for a while, before Rashad finally spoke.

“You’re his girlfriend, right? Why are you even here right now?” he said, never looking up from the steps below.

“Because I knew he wanted to follow you out of the room, even if it meant missing his own goodbye party to do it. And I couldn’t let him do that.”

“First, my dad just ups and leaves. And now … guess there’s no one you can really depend but yourself.”

“You know, not to break student-teacher confidentiality or anything, Max doesn’t have the best relationship with his own dad either. When we became friends, he got really close with my dad. He died three years ago, not from cancer but from a disease that is just as unfair.” Zoey said, slowly getting lost in a downward spiral. She caught herself when Rashad looked at her with a saddened face she recognized from the mirror. “But my point is, that’s not what’s happening here. Max is going to fight and it's going to be in part because of how much he loves his students. He’s not giving up on you, and I know the last thing he would want is for you to give up on yourself.”

When they got back to the classroom everyone was cleaning up. Rashad gave Max a nod before joining his fellow classmates.

“I take it the talk went well?” Max said.

“Totally nailed it.” Zoey replied. Max offered his hand for a high-five, that she gladly accepted.

The next day Zoey was at SPRQ Point, getting in the elevator with Max on the phone.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you?” she asked.

“Zoey, it’s my first day of chemo. Not kindergarten.”

“I know.”

“I’m a big boy. I can take a car.”

“But I’m picking you up later, okay.”

“Yes, Mom.” Max said, earning him a groan from his girlfriend. “Now, go to work.”

“If I must. See you later, champ.” Zoey replied, trying to use her best ‘mom-voice’.

She hung up just as the elevator door opened, revealing the fourth floor. Zoey made it to her desk before being flooded by Tobin and the other coders.

“Zoey, I’m so sorry. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ve got two perfectly good ones. Just try to avoid any snot rockets.”

“What are you talking about, Tobin?” Zoey asked. Tobin took a deep breath, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“I know about Max. It’s so sad, I was really rooting for you two crazy kids.” Tobin said, getting semi-faux emotional.

“He didn’t die, Tobin, he has cancer. And it’s being treated. It’s okay everyone, just go back to work.” Once the crowd dispersed, Zoey turned her attention back to the troublemaker. “And how did you even know anything?”

“Susan from HR said you came to see her about maybe taking some time off. Is it horrible? Is he all bald and sickly? Not that he was all that great to begin with – very pale.”

“Hey, Tobin.” Simon said, coming up behind him. “I think I saw someone grab your special milk out of the fridge and use it in their cereal.”

“Damn it, Glen! Do we need to have another talk with Susan about respecting other people’s property!” Tobin said storming off. Zoey could not be happier to see her friend than in that moment.

“Thank you for that.”

“Anytime. Seriously though – how are you holding up?” Simon asked, pulling Zoey in for a one arm hug.

“I’m actually doing pretty okay. Max wants to keep a positive attitude about all of this. Says that’s his key to recovery.”

“That reminds me, Autumn wanted to bring over some healing crystals for Max later. She swears by them.”

“Great. Next time we double, just tell her to stick them in her purse.” Zoey said, taking her seat and starting up her computer.

“Seriously, if you need me. I’m right over there.” Simon said, pointing to his office.

“Got it.”

“Just 50 feet … that way.”

“It’s nice that we can joke now about what a total dork I was back then.” Zoey replied. Simon smiled and started heading back to his office, but not before turning around one last time.

“What do you mean ‘back then’?”

After a long day at work, Zoey found herself wandering around the hospital following signs that said, ‘Chemo Ward’. When she heard uproarious laughter coming from behind the double doors, Zoey thought she had the wrong floor. She pushed the door open to find Max, and a bunch of women, all sitting in big white recliners, hooked up to their IV treatments. Max noticed Zoey right away, immediately calling out to her.

“Hey there, stranger. Ladies, there she is my better half. Zoey, come meet everybody.” Max said, waving her over. “Everybody, this is Zoey.”

Zoey got a nice wave from two out of the three women sitting with Max, the third one only looked up from her phone long enough to make eye contact.

“Hi. You guys sound like you’re having fun.” Zoey said, wincing when she realized her joke might have been in bad taste. “Sorry, I mean obviously cancer isn’t fun. I mean …”

“It’s okay, Z. This is a safe space.” Max assured her.

“You have yourself a great guy here, Zoey.” Said the woman sitting next to Max.

“Thanks …”

“Where are my manners? Zoey, this is Gina.” Max said, gesturing to his right. “And across from me is the lovely Alecia Lee.”

“Oh stop.” She said, feigning embarrassment. “I’m just kidding, keep going.” Alecia said, making everyone laugh … except one.

“And that ray of sunshine over there is Kristi.” Max said, pointing to the only one seemingly immune to his charms.

“Is it too much to ask to be left alone to die in peace.” Kristi said, rolling her eyes.

“I’m gonna win her over, I can feel it.” Max replied, patting the chair on his other side for Zoey to sit.

“Wow, you guys feel like old friends already.”

“We just like finally having a rooster in this hen house.” Alecia said.

“And such a cute one at that.” Gina added.

“Now Gina, this rooster is happily taken.” Max said, as he looked to Zoey sending her a wink.

“Yes, he is.” Zoey replied, trying not to give off any jealousy fueled death glares.

“Max was telling us your love story earlier.” Alecia said, turning to Zoey.

“Well, when you sit here for hours on end, what else is there to do but talk about your love life.” Gina added.

“Best friends for years before falling in love. You don’t hear many of those stories with a happy ending.”

“And that flash mob. I can’t even get my husband to whistle at me.”

“And that bittersweet moment where your first kiss was interrupted by your father’s untimely passing.” Alecia said, sending Zoey a sympathetic look.

“Don’t forget the part where she was stringing two guys along the whole time.” Kristi said, taking a sinister lick of her juice pop.

“You sure covered a lot in one session. What’s left for next time?” Zoey said, turning to give Max with a smile he knew meant - he was in trouble.

“After the first five hours alone, I was just happy to have someone to talk to.” Max said.

“Oh, come on Max. Was I really that bad of company?” said the nurse who walked over to check the machines.

“Of course not, Nurse Vili. But you kept leaving me to go do your job.” Max joked.

“This must be the Zoey I’ve heard so, so,  _ so _ much about today. I’m Nina Vilindeer. But everyone here gets to call me Nurse Vili. Gina, Alecia, and Kristi; you guys are all done for today. I’ll see you in a few weeks. Max, you still have another thirty minutes, okay. Hang in there.” Nina said, heading over to disconnect the others. Kristi practically ran out as soon as the needle left her arm.

“Bye, Max. Thanks for the most fun I’ve had at chemo in years.” Gina said.

“My pleasure Gina, bye. Oh, Alecia, don’t forget to text me the name of your herbalist.”

“You got it, buddy.” Alecia said with a wave as she left, leaving Zoey and Max alone.

“Not to continue the kindergarten metaphor from this morning, but I’m glad you made some friends.” Zoey said, giving Max a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“So far, so good.” Max replied.

“Let’s hope it stays that way.”

A week later while Max was dry heaving into the toilet, Zoey was ready to eat her words. She rubbed circles on his back, trying whatever she could to help.

“Do you want crackers?” she asked. All Max could do was shake his head no in response. “Some Gatorade? You have to keep hydrated.”

“There is nothing left inside me except my organs. Does my stomach expect me to throw those up too?”

“You want some tea with that stuff from Alecia’s herbalist?”

“Okay.” Max said, laying his head down on the bowl.

Zoey came back a few minutes later, placing the mug down on the floor. She helped Max lean against one of the bathroom walls before handing him the mug.

“Can you get me one of your wine straws?”

Two mugs of tea later, Alecia’s herbalist had Max back on his feet.

“That stuff may taste like the inside of a jock strap, but it works. This part sucks, but it’ll be worth it once I’m cancer free.” Max said, with a genuine smile.

Zoey plastered a smile on her face to try and match him. As much as she wanted to join Max in his optimism, she knew that things were likely to get worse before they got any better.


	5. Zoey Can You Spare A White Blood Cell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deeper down the rabbit hole we go - and I have never felt more guilty writing a story in my life.   
> And all I can say is bless my betas <3   
> and the Discord Fam <3

**_August 3_ ** **_rd_ ** **_, 2023_ **

Zoey was looking at shelves of medical supplies when her phone rang and answered immediately when she saw it was her mom calling.

“Hey, Mom.”

“ _ Hi, honey. So, how did it go at Max’s doctor’s appointment? _ ”

“It was good. They took some more blood and scans, which is apparently what they’ll be doing every time before his next round of chemo.”

“ _ Medical conditions always come with repeat visits. I remember with your dad, it felt like we went back almost every week to the doctors _ .”

“I remember.” Zoey said, looking at a box of bandages trying to keep her emotions in check.

“ _ And how are you managing with all of your new caretaker responsibilities? _ ”

“Well, right now I’m shopping for a mask to protect my boyfriend while his immune system craps out.” The harsh tone of her own voice didn’t surprise Zoey much, having been in a mood since the doctor’s office. She had practically rushed out the door again after they got home so Max wouldn’t see her visibly upset.

“ _ That well, huh? _ ” Maggie replied. Zoey took a deep breath before responding.

“Sorry. Max really believes that a positive attitude is helping him get through this, and I promised that I would be totally supportive of it. But it’s harder for me to be positive all the time than I thought.”

“ _ Have you tried talking to Max about this? _ ”

“He’s always been there for me, no questions asked. The least I could do is honor his wishes. That’s what you always did with Dad.”

“ _ True. But I know Max wouldn’t want you bottling things up either. He would understand. _ ”

“It's just for the next few months. I’ll be fine.” Zoey said, as she continued wandering around the aisles.

Zoey came home, with more than a few bags, to find Max getting a drink from the fridge.

“Woah. I thought you were just getting me a mask?” He said, walking over to sit down at the kitchen table.

“I did. And the only good thing to come out of the 2020 pandemic - fashionable options.” Zoey said, pulling out five different masks and handing them to Max. “And while I was there, I figured I would stock up on hand sanitizer and other disinfectants.”

“Aww, you’re so cute when you’re neurotic.” Max said, walking over to Zoey and leaning in for a kiss. However, Zoey quickly backed away.

“What are you doing?”

“See, Zoey when a boy and girl love each other very much …”

“We can’t kiss. Do you know how many germs I could have? My mouth is probably a cesspool of bacteria.”

“Is it bad that I’m not immediately turned off by that statement? Come on, for the first time in three weeks I’m not nauseated. We should be making the most of it.” Max said, leaning in again.

“It’s not worth the risk. You go for chemo tomorrow, what if anything …  _ lingers _ ?”

“I’ll use mouthwash.” Max said, letting out an exasperated sigh. Zoey walked slowly over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“I promise this is just temporary, and I will  _ definitely _ be making it up to you.” She replied, before grabbing the rest of the bags and carrying them into the bedroom.

“You know this is the one part of having cancer, so far, that I can’t find a way to be positive about.”

* * *

Zoey’s obsession with keeping Max as germ free as possible didn’t end there. She figured she could channel all her negative feelings and be overbearing instead. Part of that, meant sneaking away from her desk to check on Max during his chemo.

“Hey, Zoey.” Max said, waving to her from his white chair.

“Hey, babe. Just checking in.”

“Yeah, it’s been almost, what, an _ hour _ since you dropped me off. What? Are you calling to make sure I’m wearing my mask?” Max joked, but Zoey’s silence told him he wasn’t that far off. “Wait, are you seriously checking?”

“No?” Zoey replied. “I just wanted to … okay, yes. I was, but can you blame me? Your kissy faces yesterday weren’t exactly inspiring confidence.”

“Well, as you can see my mask is on. And so is Alecia’s. Say hi.” Max turned the phone around and Zoey could see Alecia in the same chair as last time, wearing her own pretty pink mask.

“Hi, Zoey!” Alecia said, waving enthusiastically.

“Hey, Alecia. How are you?”

“Oh, I’m great.” She replied, and Zoey knew she meant it. Alecia had quickly become Max’s chemo bestie. They both had a similar diagnosis and they helped keep each other in a positive mindset. Zoey was so glad to have someone else help carry that load.

“Al, will you please tell Zoey to not worry so much?” Zoey heard Max say in the background.

“Don’t worry Zoey. I’ve got my eye on him. The last thing you want is an infection, believe me. I’ve had those before – save yourself the medical bills.” Alecia said, causing Zoey to let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, well I can see you’re in very capable hands.” Zoey replied, as Max turned the camera back around to face him.

“Love you, I’ll see you later.” He said, blowing Zoey a kiss from behind his mask.

“Love you, too.” Zoey said, ending the call.

A few days later, Zoey was getting Max some of his ‘magic’ tea but came back to an empty bedroom instead. She instinctively went to the bathroom, expecting to find Max curled up in the usual position on the floor. Zoey was surprised to find him upright, staring at something in the sink, his hairbrush in hand. As she walked closer, Zoey could see a big clump of black hair against the white porcelain.

“We knew this was going to start sooner or later.” She said, alerting Max to her presence. “Just so you know, I would be totally willing to shave my head in solidarity.”

Max smiled at her, before bending down and getting something out from the cabinet under the sink. He emerged a moment later with an electric hair trimmer, plugging it in the wall socket.

“I was just kidding about the solidarity thing.” Zoey joked.

“You wanna do the honors?” Max asked, holding out the trimmer. Zoey took it from him, waiting as he sat down on the toilet seat. The noise of the trimmer buzzing echoed off the walls, as Zoey approached Max’s hairline.

“You sure about this?”

“Don’t worry, it’s really hard to mess up a buzz cut.”

“No, I mean about shaving it all off now. Not that much fell out.” Zoey gestured to the sink, seeing even more hair gathered in his brush.

“Zo, it’s only going to get worse. I like the idea of taking control of it, balding on my terms.”

“Okay.” Zoey said, running her hand through Max’s hair one last time – almost as if saying goodbye.

Assessing the situation, Zoey decided that right down the middle was a good place to start. She ran the trimmer gently from his hairline to his neck, watching the hair just fall away. A few minutes later, Max’s head was entirely shaved, covered now in nothing more than dark peach fuzz.

“This is actually not a bad look for you.” Zoey said, running her hands across his shoulders to brush off any stray hairs.

“I like it. I look like a soldier, minus the PTSD from active combat.” Max joked, smiling at his reflection.

“We could get you a green beret.”

“Speaking of that, it wouldn’t hurt to accessorize.”

Max wanted something to wear on his head, so he wouldn’t feel totally exposed. And when hat shopping, Zoey decided to consult an expert.

“So, what are we thinking?” Mo asked, as he and Zoey perused one of San Francisco’s many fine hat shops.

“Maybe a nice fedora?” Zoey said, with Mo immediately cutting her off.

“God, no. And I wasn’t talking to you; I was talking to bubble boy.” He replied, gesturing to Max who was being escorted around by Zoey on her SPRQ Tablet. “Remind me again why we’re hat shopping without the actual head present.”

“Because I have a compromised immune system, and an overprotective girlfriend who I love very much.”

“Mhmm.” Mo said, giving Zoey a side eye while taking in all the options before him. “Well if we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna do it right. Zoey, you’re now our living mannequin.”

Mo must have made Zoey try on every kind of hat in the shop, and it was worth it for the joy it brought to Max’s face. They spent the next hour and a half just laughing and doing their best queer-eye impressions, annoying Mo to no end. Which, if they were being honest, was half the fun

“As much as I’m enjoying this, I still don’t have a hat.” Max said.

Just then, something caught Zoey’s eye on a display shelf. It was a worn, gray baseball cap with the words ‘Positive Vibes Only’ written across the front.

“How about this one?” Zoey said, holding it up for Max to see.

“It’s perfect.”

“Okay. See you when I get home.” Zoey replied.

“Bye, Mo. Thanks for all your help, this was a lot of fun.” He said, ending the call.

After Max hung up, Mo continued to give Zoey a look.

“I’m sorry Max didn’t like any of your style choices. I think he just really likes the saying.”

“We have been friends too long for you to still be this dense. How is Max doing … really?”

“What are you talking about? He’s totally fine.”

“Zoey, no one ever diagnosed with cancer is ‘totally fine’. You can’t be, it’s not natural.”

“Well, Max is.” Zoey said, walking away from Mo and towards the register.

“I don’t know which is worse; that you actually believe that, or that he does.”

“Mo, don’t you think if Max wasn’t fine, I would be the first to know.”

“All I know is I don’t wanna be around when all those negative emotions come bubbling to the surface.”

“Mo, I promise you its not an act. Max is really doing okay – I think his positive attitude is actually working.”

“I hope that’s true, Zoey. I really do.” Mo said. “Also, you might want to grab him a beanie or something for when his head gets cold.” Zoey looked and grabbed a thin maroon one off the display table right as they approached the register.

Mo’s words ran through her mind the whole way home. Sure, she had been having trouble with staying positive all the time, but Max never wavered – not once. When Zoey got home, Max was eager to try on his new hat.

“Are you sure I can’t disinfect it first?” Zoey asked. Max ignored her, walking over to the mirror to see how it looked.

“I love it!” he exclaimed, giving Zoey a big smile before going to sit down in the living room. Zoey went into the bedroom to change clothes, when she realized she forgot to show Max the beanie. Taking it in her hand, Zoey walked back into the living room. She found Max sitting on the couch, holding his new hat in his hands.

“Hey, I forgot to show you…” Zoey started to say but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the beginning of a heart-song.

_ If I die young, bury me in satin _

_ Lay me down on a bed of roses _

_ Sink me in a river at dawn _

_ Send me away with the words of a love song _

Zoey watched as Max laid his hat on the couch, standing to walk around and look at all the pictures on display in the room.

_ Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother _

_ She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh, _

_ Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no _

_ Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby _

_ And the sharp knife of a short life, _

_ And I've had just enough time _

Zoey had no idea Max was even thinking about death. Every day she had to push those thoughts from her own mind, because she believed they were the furthest thing from his. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched him look at pictures of friends and family, obviously upset at the idea of leaving the world behind.

_ If I die young, bury me in satin _

_ Lay me down on a bed of roses _

_ Sink me in the river at dawn _

_ Send me away with the words of a love song _

_ The sharp knife of a short life, _

_ I've had just enough time _

Max continued walking around the room, looking at pictures, when he stopped on the same picture Zoey had been looking at the day they came back from the doctor. He held it with both hands, gently tracing her picture with his fingers.

_ There's a girl here in town, says she'll love me forever, _

_ And who would have thought forever could be severed by _

_ The sharp knife of a short life. _

_ Well I've had just enough time, _

_ (Instrumental) _

Max danced around the living room, stopping at his own reflection in the mirror. Running his hands over his head, Max looked anything but positive. He looked tortured, like he was fighting a battle between his head and his heart and Zoey felt just as conflicted. 

_ If I die young, bury me in satin _

_ Lay me down on a bed of roses _

_ Sink me in the river at dawn _

_ Send me away with the words of a love song  _

_ The sharp knife of a short life, _

_ Well I’ve had just enough time _

Max danced his way back to the couch, sitting down and picking up his hat again. Zoey remained frozen in place, so many thoughts racing through her mind.

_ If I die young, bury me in satin, _

_ Lay me down … _

As the heart-song ended, Zoey looked and saw that Max hadn’t noticed her yet.

“Hey, I forgot to show you this.” She said, presenting Max with the beanie. “In case your head gets cold.”

“Aww, that is so sweet.” Max took the hat from her, trying it on with a big smile on his face. Zoey knew that he was probably in deep denial, but she couldn’t bring herself to break him out of it. She would happily be haunted by that song a million times over rather than break her promise, so Zoey decided she would just have to be hopeful enough for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the hat: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.etsy.com%2Fmarket%2Fgood_vibes_hat&psig=AOvVaw1mKSHNN-IwqdHgV1SYHLT-&ust=1592802572330000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCLiKnJCSkuoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAF
> 
> And this is the version of the song I used - listen to if you really wanna cry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl44BBAbNOU  
> Lyrics Credit: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bandperry/ifidieyoung.html


	6. Max's Wild Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is this almost over :?  
> Hard to believe it.  
> Thanks to the beta and discord fam <3 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. I just want all of you to know how excruciating it has been not doing chapter summaries - but I don't want to give anything away hehehe

**_September 22_** ** _nd_ ** **_, 2023_ **

It had been over a month since Zoey heard Max’s heart-song, and thanks to her efforts there had not been an encore. She had been nothing short of a force of nature, watching and rebutting even the slightest hint of negativity. For every side effect, she had a remedy. Every time Max looked a little too long at his reflection, Zoey was there with a compliment. For every person who gave Max a look of pity, she was there to be a buffer of optimism. It was exhausting. Zoey took every second away from Max as an opportunity to recover. As she walked to the chemo wing, Zoey realized she knew the path by heart. Taking Max to and from his treatment had become a habit, as was the forlorn look she had on her face as she walked alone in the hall. Zoey was totally drained, but she loved Max more than enough to pretend. Zoey took a deep breath before putting the smile back on her face, as she walked into the treatment area. She saw Max instantly, sitting next to Alecia laughing.

“I see the gang’s all here.” Zoey said, approaching Max’s chair. “Wait, where’s Gina?”

Zoey saw a flash of something across both of their faces, before Alecia answered her.

“She got an infection and is still recovering. Lucky duck, gets all the hospital Jell-O she wants, right Max?”

“I’m more of a pudding man myself, but I can see the appeal.”

“I’m sure she’ll be back before you know it.” Zoey replied, rubbing Max’s shoulder sympathetically.

“Don’t count on it.” Kristi said from the other side of the room. “Once you go upstairs, you don’t usually come back.”

Zoey redirected Max’s attention before those words had time to sink in.

“Ready to go, babe?”

“Yes, I am.” Max said, moving to stand up. After the last couple of treatments, he’d become a bit slower and a little unsteady, but Zoey wasn’t about to fuss at least not outwardly. “Al, live long and prosper.” Max said, giving her the Vulcan hand greeting.

“Stay gold, Ponyboy.” Alecia said with a smile. “Bye, Zoey.”

Zoey cuddled herself into Max’s side as they walked to the car, partially to support him, partially to support herself. Their pace made snails feel like cheetahs, but she didn’t mind. It was moments like these that reminded Zoey what it was all about.

Each round of treatment left Max more tired than the last. Throughout the weeks, Zoey would often find him nodding off in the middle of sentences or lying in bed like he was now. Climbing on the covers to sit next to him, Zoey plopped down and moved Max’s arm over her shoulders.

“Hey.” He said, barely able to keep his eyes open.

“Hey, yourself.” Zoey replied, fixing Max’s beanie. “You wanna take a nap?”

“And miss out on quality time with you? Never.”

“Take a nap now, and we can have all the _quality time_ you want later.” Zoey said, giving him a gentle kiss.

“Okay, but for once _you’re_ doing all the work.” Max joked, relaxing back into the pillow, and immediately falling asleep.

Zoey watched him for a while, taking notice of all the changes to his face. His eyes had bags under them, and he was more pale than usual. For the first time, Zoey let it sink in that Max had cancer _. Max had cancer_. Suddenly, she felt like all the air was being sucked out of the room. Moving slowly so she wouldn’t wake him, Zoey made her way into the living room before finally letting out a deep shuddering breath. In the midst of the room spinning, Zoey heard a knock on the door. Composing herself as best she could she made her way to open it, finding Mo on the other side with a bottle of wine in hand.

“I need some girl talk.” He said, walking in the apartment and headed to the kitchen. Mo had the bottle of wine open in seconds and continued talking as he poured. “Eddie and I are off … again. If that over rehearsed show pony wants to keep accepting touring jobs … what is the matter with you?”

As soon as Mo said those words, Zoey broke down. Sobbing, she covered her mouth with her hands to keep quiet. Mo came over, immediately wrapping Zoey up in a hug. A few minutes, and a few glasses of wine, later they were sitting on the couch as Zoey told Mo everything.

“You remember what you said to me in the hat shop. You were right.”

“About Max?”

“When I got home that day, I heard him sing the most heartbreaking song about dying young.” Zoey said, taking a slow sip. 

“And what did you do about that?”

“Ever since then I’ve been killing myself to stop him from feeling that way. I’m in overdrive all the time, just trying to keep him happy.”

“Does that plan include actually talking to him about it?” Mo asked, already knowing the answer.

“No, but I haven’t been haunted by the song since. That means it’s working.”

“Obviously not for you.”

“I’m not the one with cancer, Mo, it’s not supposed to be about me.”

“Zoey, I say this because I love you. You have to stop being afraid of the hard conversations. You have evolved as a person and are not doing yourself any favors by going backwards. And you’re certainly not doing that boy in there any good either. He needs to face the reality of his condition.”

“What am I supposed to do, Mo! Of, course I don’t agree with all this ‘stay positive’ crap. And Max is so in denial …”

“Zoey…”

“He really believes that he’s going to make it by just ‘smiling through’. That’s not stopping this cancer from killing him! But I can’t say anything because, god forbid, he be shown some reality that might just kill him faster.”

“Zoey!” Mo said, his eyes focused behind her. Zoey turned around to see Max standing behind her. Her eyes went wide, immediately turning back to Mo.

“I’m gonna give you two some space.” Mo said, leaving quickly and taking the rest of his wine bottle with him.

“Zoey? Anything you want to tell me?” Max said, slowly making his way to sit down next to her on the couch.

“How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough. Why didn’t you come talk to me? You know I’m there for you always, no matter what.”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t say anything. You’re the one that needs the support right now, not me.”

“You have been beyond amazing, but I actually miss being your rock. So, tell me, what’s going on?” Max asked. Zoey took a deep breath, deciding it was time Max knew the truth.

“Back after your second treatment, I heard you sing ‘If I Die Young’. I didn’t want to tell you, so instead I over-corrected and went ahead making your life as positive as possible.”

“You might wanna take a second spin in the MRI, because that doesn’t sound right.”

“Max, I know what I heard.”

“Yeah, but I know how I feel. And the truth is I feel fine.”

“Max, you have cancer. You can’t tell me you haven't even considered the worst case scenario. I know you better than anyone, that’s your default setting.”

“Look, I get it. You are not the most positive person; I can understand if this is hard for you.”

“And you’re not being very realistic. Max, we haven’t even talked about what to do if you …”

“What? Die? That’s because I’m not going to, Zoey.”

“But you don’t know. Cancer is this unpredictable... _monster_ , and we should be prepared.”

“I know the last time you went through this, it didn’t end well. But I’m not your dad. I can fight this, and I’m gonna win.”

“And what if you don’t! What happens to me, huh? I need to know what you want and the only way that happens is if we talk about it.”

“Don’t worry about keeping me positive anymore, Zo. I have Alecia and my chemo group for that. You can just stand there and wait for me to die. But I hate to tell you, you’re going to be disappointed.” Max said, standing up from the couch, almost losing his balance. Zoey jumped up to catch him, but Max was able to steady himself before she could. He walked away, leaving a frustrated and hurting Zoey in his wake.

Max and Zoey barely spoke after that day. She still went with him to his doctor appointments and helped manage his symptoms, but that was all. Max was still optimistic about his outcome, but Zoey wondered if he felt the same about their relationship anymore. At his next chemo treatment, Zoey was helping Max walk into the hospital when his legs started to give out. A nurse immediately supplied them with a wheelchair, and Zoey watched as Max wordlessly wheeled himself down the hall. She followed, walking beside the chair.

“I can push that for you, if you want?” Zoey asked, but Max remained silent. When they got to the chemo wing, he rolled himself inside with not so much as a glance back.

“Hey, look who’s back.” She heard Max exclaim as she began to walk away. Zoey came back to see Gina sitting in her usual chair.

“Yeah, I’ve been on this roller-coaster too many times for a little infection to stop me.” she replied, earning her an enthusiastic fist bump from Max. 

“You were severely missed. Oh man, Alecia is going to freak when she sees you.” Max said, as Nurse Villi helped him out of the wheelchair and set him up. “Where is she anyway? She usually beats me here. How I’m friends with such an early bird, I’ll never know.”

Nurse Villi looked to Zoey, giving her a solemn head nod. She gasped at the realization, looking to see if Max had noticed.

“Max …” Nurse Villi started to say, “I have some bad news.”

“Oh no, she got an infection too. What room is she in – I bet she would love to have a visitor. Or wait, would that be a bad idea? Can I call her?” Max said, reaching for his phone

“Max…” Nurse Villi started to say again, but was cut off by Kristi.

“She died.” Kristi said, for once showing some genuine emotion.

Zoey watched as the news registered on Max’s face. She wanted nothing more than to go and console him, but she didn’t know how well that would go.

“When?” Max asked softly.

“Last night. She came in with a bad reaction to her new meds. Her scans showed the cancer had metastasized to her throat. There was nothing more they could do.” Nurse Villi replied.

“But she was only stage one.” 

“Sometimes patients respond to treatment, and sometimes they don’t. That’s why there’s no cure, cancer is just too unpredictable.”

Max’s breathing became shallow, as his eyes darted to the now empty chair across from him. Just by looking at him, Zoey could tell something had shifted.


	7. Don't Close Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually felt this one lol so ... sorry not sorry? 
> 
> Thanks to the bestest beta I would be lost without AubreyRichman
> 
> Enjoy...

**_October 21_** ** _st_ ** **_, 2023_ **

Ever since he found out Alecia died, Max had become angrier and more withdrawn than Zoey had ever seen him before. It was like she was living with a different person, and it was terrifying. Max usually had such a nice demeanor, even when he was mad. There was still a light in his eyes, but now he looked like an empty shell. He spent his days lying in bed and responded to everything Zoey said in a spiteful tone. Zoey longed for the days when her biggest worry was keeping up a smile.

When she came home from work that Friday, Zoey found Max sitting on the bathroom floor.

“What happened?” She said, immediately rushing to his side.

“Nothing.” Max replied, turning his face away when she reached for him.

“Do you need help getting up?”

“No.” Max answered, just as harshly as before. Zoey watched and waited, hinting that she wanted to see it with her own eyes. Max rolled his, before attempting to stand up on his own. When his strength failed him, Max took his frustrations out on the tile wall behind him, coughing lightly.

“Max…” Zoey said, helping him up. Once on his feet, Max just brushed past her and into the bedroom. “You’re welcome?”

“Congratulations Zoey, you had to literally pick me up from the ground. I bet you just love getting to play savior, right? Poor Max can’t do anything on his own anymore.”

“It’s not a crime to need help, especially when you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick, Zoey. I’m dying, remember!” Max screamed, his grief overtaking him. “I have cancer, and I’m dying. Am I being realistic enough for you now, Zoey? You happy?” He stood there, panting, trying to reel himself in and catch his breath. 

Zoey could feel her eyes welling up with tears, but she held them back as best she could. Max was hurting in a way she knew too well, all while facing his own mortality. Loving him meant being by his side through it all, especially when she felt so guilty.

The next day was no better.

“Do you feel like having breakfast?” she asked. Max was laying with his back to her, but Zoey knew he was awake. When she got no answer, Zoey marched to the other side of the bed. “Max?”

“No.” he replied, his eyes looking straight ahead.

“Are you nauseous? Do you want some jock-strap tea?” Zoey tried to joke around, seeing if that would bring back the old Max even just for a moment.

“No.”

Crouching down to his level, Zoey leaned on the bed.

“Max, this has to stop. I know how you’re feeling. I know how scary and painful this all must be. But even without Alecia, you’re not alone. You have me, always.”

“No offense, Zoey, but you can’t possibly know how I’m feeling. So, can you do me a favor and just leave me alone?”

Zoey felt something snap at his words. She had tried everything she could, and nothing worked. Anger bubbled up inside of her, fighting to escape.

“Fine. You want to be left alone, you got it.” Zoey said, speeding to the front door and slamming it behind her.

* * *

“So, you just left?” Maggie said, pouring her daughter a cup of tea.

“I didn’t know what else to do. I have tried everything to pull him out of this. I just want my Max back.”

“I know, honey. That’s how I felt when your father couldn’t speak anymore.”

“What emotion do you think you felt the most when Dad was sick?” Zoey said after a pause.

“Disappointed." Maggie replied, "I knew I had less time with him than I wanted. That was a hard thing to accept, some days it still is.”

“With me, it's anger. I’m angry that Max has cancer, I’m angry that the treatment is killing him physically and emotionally, and I’m angry at myself.”

“Why?” Maggie asked softy, reaching across the table for her daughter's hand.

“Because, I broke my promise to him. I feel like his anger is directed at me, partially because I caused it.”

“Zoey, there is no right or wrong way to deal with dying. You are more rational, and Max is more emotional. It’s in your nature to handle things differently, but that’s what makes you so complementary and so good together. He just can’t see past anything right now because he lost his tether.”

“Tether to what?”

“To the idea that he’s invincible, even to cancer. When your dad first got diagnosed, he insisted that there was something that could be done, and he wanted to fix it. Some things just can’t be fixed.” 

“Do you think Max and I are one of those things?” Zoey said, finally breaking down. Maggie got up, wrapping Zoey in a hug from behind and just held her in her arms.

“Absolutely not. Max just needs time.”

“Yeah but, what if he doesn’t have much left?” 

“Zoey, you can’t think like that. I’m not saying that it’s not a possibility but having that frame of mind is what’s driving you both so crazy. There’s being aware of the dark reality, and then there’s living in it like it’s the only option. It’s not one or the other, it’s both.” Maggie said, wiping away one of Zoey’s tears.

Zoey stayed a few hours more, enjoying a nice day with her mom. It seemed to help center herself again, feeling ready to face Max for round two. Zoey tried to keep her mother’s words in mind as she drove home. Living in fear of the worst thing happening was no way to live at all, whether you had cancer or not.

Zoey opened the door, finding the apartment still and quiet. She placed her bag on the counter and walked further inside, when she saw something on the floor in the living room.

“MAX!!”

He was laying face down on the floor, a broken mug next to him in a pool of its contents. Zoey raced to his side, pulling him into her arms. She tried to wake him, but nothing worked. Placing her head on his chest, Zoey could still hear a heartbeat. Taking a silent moment of thanks, she reached into her pocket to grab her phone immediately dialing 9-1-1. As she waited for the ambulance, Zoey pulled Max’s head into her lap, stroking his face.

“You’re gonna be okay, Max. You’re gonna be okay.” Zoey said, as she rocked back and forth, unable to stop the tears.

* * *

Zoey watched as the paramedics rolled Max out of the ambulance. A team of doctors were waiting to greet them outside the emergency room.

“His lung sounds are decreased on both sides.” One paramedic told the doctors, before they turned to Zoey. 

“Has he been coughing or any symptoms of a cold?” One of the doctors asked her, but Zoey just shook her head.

“No, he hasn’t ... wait, yesterday I heard him cough a couple times. He blew it off… and he was trying to catch his breath…”

“Maybe pneumonia…his oxygen is sitting a little low." The doctors said, nodding to each other. "Anything else we need to know?” 

“He’s on day nine of his current cycle of chemo.” Zoey immediately responded.

“He’s neutropenic. Let’s move. NOW!” one of the doctors said, quickly wheeling Max away.

“What’s his name?” the nurse asked.

“Max, Max Richman.” Zoey said.

Chaos ensued as the doctors ran Max into the hospital with Zoey right on their tail. As she stepped into the emergency room, Zoey heard a song start to play. But she didn’t care about that, all she cared about was that Max would be okay. Zoey watched the chaos of the hospital continue around her, as the staff started to sing.

_All our times have come,_

_Here but now they're gone_

_Seasons don't fear the reaper,_

_Nor do the wind, the sun, or the rain_

_We can be like they are,_

_Come on baby,_

_(Don't fear the reaper)_

_Baby, take my hand,_

_(Don't fear the reaper)_

_We'll be able to fly,_

_(Don't fear the reaper)_

_Baby I'm your man_

_La la la la la_

_La la la la la_

Zoey ran through the number, trying to keep tabs on Max. Just when she thought she had him in her sights, someone else would start singing to her. She tried to push past them to get back to Max, but was having a very hard time. Frustrated, she fought her way through only to see Max get rolled into a room with a large window. The doctors and nurses were all huddled around him, grabbing at unfamiliar machinery. They did what looked like a chest X-ray, quickly followed by a doctor yelling. 

“1 liter bolus of NS. Run it wide open with 2 grams of IV Rocephin!! STAT!” 

Zoey had no idea what that meant, but it didn't sound good.

_Valentine is done,_

_Here but now they're gone_

_Romeo and Juliet_

_Are together in eternity_

_(Romeo and Juliet)_

_40,000 men and women everyday_

_(Like Romeo and Juliet)_

_40,000 men and women everyday_

_(Redefine happiness)_

_Another 40,000 coming everyday_

Zoey watched anxiously as something was injected into Max’s arm. He was still unconscious, his body limp. All Zoey wanted to see in that moment was those warm, beautiful brown eyes she loved gazing into. She didn’t want their story to have a tragic end, they already had their fill of that in their beginnings. Life without Max was incomprehensible. 

_We can be like they are,_

_Come on baby,_

_(Don't fear the reaper)_

_Baby, take my hand,_

_(Don't fear the reaper)_

_We'll be able to fly,_

_(Don't fear the reaper)_

_Baby I'm your man_

_La la la la la_

_La la la la la_

_(instrumental)_

Zoey watched in horror as the monitors connected to Max started beeping erratically.

The nurse beside him looked at the monitor and up to the doctor. 

“He’s in V-Fib…”

“Someone get me a crash cart and call a code blue!!” The charge nurse yelled, as she started performing CPR. Zoey watched as they cut his shirt farther back to make room for the pads. 

“Clear!!” The doctor yelled, as everyone stepped back from the stretcher. 

“Max! No please, god, SAVE HIM! PLEASE!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, but not one of the doctors looked her way. Zoey felt totally helpless, watching as Max’s entire body jolted with each shock. 

_Love of two is one_

_Here but now they're gone_

_Came the last night of sadness_

_And it was clear she couldn't go on_

_Then the door was open, and the wind appeared_

_The candles blew and then disappeared_

_The curtains flew and then he appeared saying don't be afraid_

As the staff continued to work on Max, Zoey’s heart leapt at every shock, like she was experiencing it with him. She subconsciously started backing away, stopping only when she hit a wall and grabbing onto the handrail for support. She couldn’t take much more of watching the doctors fighting to bring Max back. 

"Come on Max! Fight! Come on!" She said, never taking her eyes off of him. 

“Charge to 200! CLEAR!!” The doctor called out, shocking Max more harshly than before.

“ _Please … please … please …_ ” she cried over and over, hoping that whoever had given her powers was listening. If there was ever a time for some miraculous universal intervention, it was now.

_Come on baby_

_(And she had no fear)_

_And she ran to him_

_(Then they started to fly)_

_They looked backward and said goodbye_

_(She had become like they are),_

_She had taken his hand,_

_(She had become like they are)_

_Come on baby..._

_Don't fear the reaper…_

As the song came to an end, Zoey felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she saw an ER nurse standing behind her.

“Miss, you can’t be back here.”

“No! No, I won’t leave him.’ Zoey said, turning back to look at Max. She felt like if her eyes left him for even a second, that would be the second he was taken from her.

“Please, you have to go sit in the waiting room.”

“NO!” Zoey said, rushing to the window. The doctors were still working on reviving Max when Zoey felt two hands wrap around her arm. “No, I’m not leaving him! I’m not … Max! Please, I’m not leaving so please … _please_ don’t leave me.” she cried, banging her hand on the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the song if you don't know it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVn6b9QQZeM  
> Lyrics credit: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/blueoystercult/dontfearthereaper.html 
> 
> and because I can't help myself -  
> link to the SNL skit that was making it very hard to keep from cracking up as I was writing with the song in the background: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVsQLlk-T0s


	8. End Of The Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I scared you back there, I promise it gets better  
> yada yada ... beta <3 ... yada yada ... discord fam <3 
> 
> Enjoy!

Zoey was wandering around her childhood home, poking her head in every room. She looked in all the rooms upstairs – nothing. Nothing in the kitchen or den either. So, she made her way into the living room.

“Looking for something, sweetheart?” Mitch asked, sitting in his usual spot on the couch.

“Hey, Dad. You haven’t seen Max anywhere, have you?

“Did you check the kitchen? You know how much of a foodie that kid is.”

“Yeah, but he’s not in there.” Zoey replied. Mitch patted the seat next to him on the couch, prompting Zoey to sit down.

“Why are you looking for Max?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I just know that I can’t find him.” Zoey said, suddenly confused.

“Well, he’s not here with me that’s for sure.” Mitch said, standing up and offering Zoey his hand. She didn’t know why but hearing that made her feel relieved. “I wouldn’t worry though, you’ll find him.”

Zoey took Mitch’s hand as he led her to the backyard. She gasped when she saw it was set up for a party. White roses were everywhere, starting to rain down from the sky as Mitch and Zoey walked through the backyard arm in arm.

“Now, you better hurry.” Mitch said, letting Zoey go.

“Hurry? Where?”

“He’s waiting for you.” Mitch replied.

* * *

 **_October 23_** ** _rd_ ** **_, 2023_ **

Zoey woke up with a massive kink in her neck. Then again, that was what you get for sleeping in a hospital chair. Remembering her dream, Zoey immediately focused all her attention to Max, who was laying in the hospital bed before her – still unconscious. Suddenly, all the memories of the night before flooded her mind. Zoey got up and walked over to the bed, placing her hand on his chest as it rose and fell. Max was still here, at least that’s what the beeping of the machines told her. The doctors had managed to stabilize him, right as Zoey was ready to get into a fist fight with an orderly. Now all that was left, was for Max to wake up.

Zoey didn’t move from his side all day. She had occupied herself with phone calls to her mom and Mo to let them know what happened. Both insisted on coming down to the hospital, but Zoey turned down their offers for company. Which was why she was surprised to see Mo appear in the doorway a few hours later.

“Hey. I told you, you didn’t have to come check on me.” Zoey said, standing to greet him.

“Oh, I know. But you didn’t say anything about checking on Max. How’s he doing, angel?” Mo said, giving her a hug.

“Um, he has an infection. Pneumonia. But they gave him medicine for it. Now, I’m just waiting for him to wake up.” Zoey replied, getting choked up on those last words.

“Think if I hit a f-sharp that would do the trick?”

“No, I think this is something even the power of music can’t fix.” Zoey said, shuddering at the memory of the hospital sing-along.

“Agree to disagree. Seriously, how are you doing?”

“How do you think I’m doing? Before I left, we had this big fight. And I came home to find him collapsed on the ground.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re blaming yourself for this.”

“I should have seen the signs, Mo. I should have been there, but I got mad and left him all alone…”

“You’re here now. That’s what matters.” Mo said, pulling her into his arms for another hug. “And based on the way you smell; you’ve been here quite a while. Why don’t you freshen up? I’ll stay here and keep an eye on sleeping beauty.” Zoey nodded, heading into the adjoining bathroom to wash up.

When she came out a few minutes later, Zoey was surprised to see Simon sitting where Mo had just been.

“Hey Max, check out this cute little redhead who just came into the room. I think she has a thing for you man. Take a look.” He said leaning towards Max, turning back to Zoey when he got no response “I really thought that would work.”

“You tried your best. Where’s Mo?” she asked.

“He left when I got here, mumbling something about body spray.” Simon said, getting up from the chair to give Zoey a hug.

“And how did you even know to come here?”

“Your mom called. She’s worried about you, and I am too. She was telling me you were angry with yourself, probably more so now than ever.”

“Yeah well, I haven’t been the best girlfriend lately.” Zoey replied, sinking down into her chair.

“Now I know that’s not true.” As he sat down next to her, Simon placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I hid my feelings from him for so long.” Zoey said, staring longingly at Max’s sleeping form. “And now we’re finally together and happy, and I go and make all the same mistakes again.”

“Even with your powers, you’re still only human, Zoey. We make the wrong choices sometimes, but it’s how you go about correcting them that’s important.”

“Yeah…” Zoey replied, but she looked like she was in a daze. Simon grabbed her gently by the shoulders, turning her to face him.

“He is going to wake up. And when he does, just … be honest with him.” 

Mo returned shortly after with some ‘Hawaiian Breeze’ body spray for Zoey. He and Simon stayed a little while longer before saying their goodbyes. Then it was just Max and Zoey alone again. Until a little while later, when a nurse came in with Max’s personal effects.

“Sorry we couldn’t get these to you sooner. It’s been a hectic day.”

“You don’t have to tell me. Thank you.” Zoey said, taking the bag from the nurse and opening it. Max didn’t have much on him when he came into the hospital. Just his clothes, and his maroon beanie. Zoey took it out of the bag and held it to her face. It smelled more like Max then Max did at the moment. She felt a few stray tears escape as she pulled the beanie down and turned back to the bed. Zoey was happily surprised to see Max, now awake and looking at her.

“Zo…” he started to say, a weary but apologetic look in his tired eyes. Zoey shook her head as she walked over to the bed, throwing her arms gently around his neck and touching their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Max whispered.

“You’re sorry?” Zoey replied, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I never should have left.”

“I practically pushed you out the door.” 

“It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you’re here, and you’re awake.” Zoey exclaimed, as she lovingly stroked Max’s cheek.

“I guess it was touch and go there for a while, huh?” Max said, wincing as he tried to sit up higher in the bed.

“You could say that.” Zoey replied, “What do you remember?”

“I was walking to the couch to sit down with a steaming cup of jock-strap tea. And then the world started spinning.”

“Yeah, you had a fever from pneumonia. Another lovely side effect of your chemo treatments.”

“Speaking of that.” Max said, “You and I are long overdue for a real talk about all this.” He patted the small space on the bed next to him for Zoey to sit down. She was taken aback for a second, feeling a sudden swell of Déjà vu. As she sat down, Zoey knew it was time to be totally honest with Max, about everything.

“After last night, I am more terrified than ever of losing you. But nothing was worse than the thought of you dying while we were fighting. Watching the doctors struggling to revive you, all I could think is how stupid it is that I didn’t just talk to you about the heart-song as soon as it happened. I shouldn’t have sheltered you from the truth.”

“It’s not like I was being a very good listener. I was living in a nice little bubble of denial and then you started throwing all that logic at me.”

“I know that bubble. It’s nice in there.” Zoey joked.

“Very cozy.” Max joked right back, “But you were right, I wasn’t being very realistic. This whole thing is so …”

“Crazy, terrifying, ridiculous ...” Zoey rattled off.

“I was going to say uncertain, but those work too. Losing Alecia, it hit me like a brick wall. That could be _me_ next. I didn’t handle that truth well at all, and I’m sorry for being such an impossible jackass.”

“You weren’t impossible.” Zoey said, earning her one of Max’s signature looks.

“I think I pushed you away because I was afraid of leaving you. I thought I’d get lucky and you would dump me and move on to someone without cancer.” Max joked, but Zoey could see the pain behind his eyes.

“I don’t want anyone else but you, cancer and all. And I’m never letting go.” Zoey took his hand in hers, holding it like her life depended on it. “I love you, Max Richman; always have, always will.”

“I love you more than you could possibly know.” Max said, his eyes now brimming with tears. He took her hand, raising it to his lips before giving it a kiss. Zoey decided that wasn’t enough for her, leaning forward she kissed him with everything she had. Max’s other hand flew into her hair to deepen the kiss, only separating when he let out an unpleasant groan.

“Ow, why does that hurt so much.” Max said, as his hand flew to his side “I mean … totally worth it, but still.”

“The doctor mentioned that you might have some broken ribs from the CPR.”

“CPR?”

“Yeah, they even had to use the paddles. It was really hard to watch.” Zoey said, looking down to avoid Max seeing the pain those memories caused.

“You stayed to watch? Zoey that’s breaking rule number one of any TV medical drama.” Both smiled at the joke, glad to finally feel a sense of normalcy.

“I wasn’t leaving you. This nurse practically had to tear me away from the window. Oh, and get this – the whole ER staff sang a heart-song while they were working on you.”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know.” Zoey replied, causing Max to huff. 

“Now it’s gonna drive me crazy. Can you sing it for me?”

“Glad to see you’re back to your old self.”

“Don’t change the subject.” Max said, giving Zoey a genuine smile. “Come on Z, I wanna know the song I almost died to.”

“Okay, _now_ you’re being impossible.”

“And you love me for it.” Max replied, scrunching his nose playfully.

“Yes, I do.” Zoey said, bringing Max’s hand to her heart.


	9. The Truth Is You Never Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end already ... I can't believe it. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I promise to never give Max cancer ever again. Cross my sap loving heart <3
> 
> Thank you doesn't seem enough to express how grateful I am for my beta AubreyRichman. You brought something to this fic that I never could by myself ... accuracy lol  
> No in all seriousness she saved me endless research and for that I'll be eternally grateful!
> 
> And now to bring it all to a close ...
> 
> Enjoy!

**_October 30_ ** **_th_ ** **_, 2023_ **

After a week in the hospital to recover from his infection, it was finally time for Max to come home. Zoey opened the door, which was a little harder with Max’s arm draped across her shoulder – not that she was complaining.

“Feels good to be home.” Max said, with a sigh of relief that Zoey was happy to share.

“Okay so, on the list of doctor approved activities we have - sitting, laying down, or sitting. What would you like to do first?”

“I think I’ll sit, as long as my beautiful girlfriend does it with me.” Max said, as Zoey helped him over to the couch.

“I think that can be arranged. But are you sure you can handle it?” she replied, dusting off a flirtatious tone she hadn’t used in a while. Settling into his side, Zoey and Max took a moment to enjoy the domesticity of the moment. Hearing Max’s heartbeat was enough to wash away the vision of him unconscious on the floor.

“As much as I never want to move again, I have a very important question for you.” Max said. Zoey unwillingly turned to face him, wondering what he could be referring to. They had pretty much covered everything in the hospital, Max being laid up in bed for a week gave them plenty of time to talk. A thought then occurred to Zoey that made her heart leap – maybe what Max wanted to ask her was _the_ important question. The one that would change their lives forever, and one she’d been wondering if he’d even get the chance to ask. Zoey tried to still her now beating heart, as she awaited the words she hoped to hear.

“Did you pick out our Halloween costumes yet?” Max asked, taking Zoey by surprise.

“Um … no. I didn’t know if you would be up to costumes this year. Did you have something in mind?” She replied, trying to act normal and not at all disappointed.

“I was thinking, with my new look I could totally pull off Picard. And I have this really sexy fantasy of you as a Lady Data.” The look Max was giving her made Zoey want to take him from sitting to lying down, but that was most definitely not a doctor approved activity.

“Mo was talking about making you a welcome home party. Maybe we could make it a welcome home costume party.” Based on the way his face lit up, Zoey took that to mean Max liked the idea. “I’ll call and let him know.”

Zoey took the next two weeks off from work to be home with Max. Not only to keep an eye on him, but also to make up for lost time. Without his treatments, Max was back to normal. No nausea, no low immune system, no being tired all the time. She was almost sad to see him go back for treatment, but thankfully it was the last one. And even if his cancer wasn’t gone, even if they had to go through this all over again, Zoey would never take for granted one second of the time she got to spend with Max. The last few weeks had been a blessing, one that she would hold in her heart forever, no matter what happened next. As Max and Zoey walked into the chemo wing, they were greeted by Nurse Villi, Gina, and even Kristi – along with a whole lot of new faces.

“It’s busier in here than I remember.” Max said, giving his old chair a smile, before turning to the empty one across from it. Zoey slipped her hand into his, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Welcome back, Max! We missed you!” Gina said, giving him a warm smile.

“Well … she did.” Kristi added, but Zoey swore she saw a small smile on her face after she said it.

“Take a seat, Max. I’ll be right over to set you up for your last treatment.” Nurse Villi said, causing the room to clap.

“Okay Zo, you are officially off duty. I will see you in four hours – spend them wisely.” Max said he detached himself from her to sit in his chair.

“Actually, I think I’ll hang out here. If that’s okay with you?” Zoey said, taking a seat on the arm of his chair.

“Are you kidding? Having you with me will always be okay.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, because actually … I have something I wanna say. Or should I say sing.” Zoey took a deep nervous breath, as music started to play.

_I found myself dreaming_

_In silver and gold_

_Like a scene from a movie_

_That every broken heart knows_

Zoey could see the confused look on Max’s face.

“Zo … you okay? Are you glitching again?” he whispered. Zoey just ignored him and kept singing, taking his hand in her own.

_We were walking on moonlight_

_And you pulled me close_

_Split second and you disappeared_

_And then I was all alone_

Zoey backed up from his chair, as the new faces in the room started dancing around her. When she joined them in the choreography, Max’s expression went from confused to amazed.

“Oh … this is really happening.” He said in disbelief.

_I woke up in tears_

_With you by my side_

_A breath of relief_

_And I realized_

_No, we're not promised tomorrow_

The choreography was as simple and as poignant as the song itself. And it was all culminating in the one thing Zoey realized she couldn’t live without any longer – and that was having Max be anything but hers … forever.

_So, I'm gonna love you_

_Like I'm gonna lose you_

_I'm gonna hold you_

_Like I'm saying goodbye_

_Wherever we're standing_

_I won't take you for granted_

_‘Cause we'll never know when_

_When we'll run out of time_

The dancers dispersed as Zoey moved towards Max, getting down on one knee in front of his chair.

_So, I'm gonna love you_

_Like I'm gonna lose you_

_I'm gonna love you_

_Like I'm gonna lose you_

As music stopped, Zoey looked up at Max who was giving her a loving smile.

“I didn’t want to wait anymore for our happy ending. And I think we have definitely earned it. So, Max Richman, my favorite person on the entire planet, will you…”

“Yes.”

…marry me? You didn’t even let me finish.”

“Yes.” Max replied again, before carefully rushing to pull Zoey in for a massive kiss. The crowd watching erupted in applause and cheers. As they broke apart, Max pulled Zoey in for a hug.

“That was amazing. How did you manage to pull it off? We’ve been together every second of the day for two weeks.”

“It was a lot of late nights, learning choreography from a YouTube video in the living room while you were sleeping. I actually used that flash mob service you used to tell me how you felt. Totally worth it.”

“That’s my line.” Zoey giggled as Max grabbed her for another kiss.

“The only thing I don’t have is a ring. I figured we could go…”

“I’ve had one in my sock drawer for two and a half years.” Max replied.

“Did you ever plan on using it?” Zoey jested.

“Nothing I thought of seemed good enough. I wanted it to be perfect, and that’s exactly what this is.”

“Good answer.” She replied, wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him again.

* * *

 **_January 6_ ** **_th_ ** **_, 2024_ **

After ringing in the new year, Max and Zoey found themselves back in the doctor’s office. It was time to see if chemo had done the trick and if Max was cancer free.

“Welcome back. I hope you two enjoyed the holidays.” The doctor said, coming in the office and taking a seat at her desk.

“We did indeed. We just got back from New York, breaking the news of the engagement to my parents.” Max replied.

“Any wedding plans yet?”

“We’re doing a long engagement.” Zoey said.

“She wanted to wait and see what the results were today.” Max added.

“Because I know it’s going to be good news.”

The doctor smiled, pulling up Max’s file on her computer. Zoey anxiously awaited the results she’d been dying to hear for two months.

“Max, your follow up CT scan shows no abnormalities at all. Congratulations, your cancer is in remission.”

Max tilted his head towards the sky, closing his eyes out of sheer relief. Zoey let out an audible sigh, immediately grabbing Max by the arm and pulling him close.

“Thank you so much.” She said to the doctor.

“You are very welcome. And I’ll keep my eye out for a wedding invitation.”

“Absolutely!” Max exclaimed, getting up to shake the doctor’s hand.

As they walked down the street, arm in arm, Max couldn’t help but express his excitement.

“So, I’m thinking about November for the wedding. By then my hair will have grown back, and it won’t be so hot so we can have an outdoor reception. I already talked to your mom about making a rose wall, all white roses. But no torches or fire of any kind, we don’t want a repeat of the last time.”

“Woah, slow down, Max. We’re supposed to make these decisions together.”

“I know. But you didn’t want to plan anything until we knew if I was in remission, so I went ahead and jotted down a few ideas in my journal.”

“Just a few?”

“Peter will be the ring bearer, naturally, and my niece, Lyla, can be the flower girl. I know a guy who does custom chuppahs, I know that sounds pricey but I got him to give us a ‘cancer survivor’ discount. I also thought we could do “Like I’m Gonna Lose You” at the reception, since it was a duet originally…” 

Zoey just smiled as Max rattled off all the details he’d been planning behind her back. She didn’t care. As long as she had Max, nothing else really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le1beNegYQE  
> Lyrics Credit: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/meghantrainor/likeimgoingtoloseyou.html


End file.
